More Adam Morgan Crap

Subject: I'm Sorry
From: AdamMorgan
Date: Sep 21 2005 7:58PM

I'm sorry I was such a poor husband. I'm sorry I was a father who missed birthdays, recitals, picnics, and family get togethers. I'm sorry I often came home from work so late you were asleep. I'm sorry I thought my work, my career, my research and my colleagues were what was important. I'm sorry you're in London and I'm here. I'm so, so sorry I gave you a check on your last birthday. I'm sorry we never took salsa lessons, as you begged me to do. I'm sorry that you can't see me now, dancing awkwardly. I'm sorry I posted on this effing forum so much, wasting time at work, when I could have come home earlier. I'm sorry I thought money could solve our problems. I'm sorry I live in this house, alone, and I can't get myself to sell it.

I took my first vacation in four years. I went to Cambridge, to visit friends, lounge around and do nothing, pet dogs in parks, drink excellent tea, and generally found myself even enjoying the daily cloudy weather. I no longer post on this forum. In my free time, in between experiments, I'm trying to be friendlier. I'm getting out of the lab, talking to others -- as you wanted me to do for years. I've discovered that kindness is primarily what I seek, from my students, lovers, and even from my parents.

My parents have decided to retire to the UK. They've bought a house on the coast. They want me to visit, but I keep telling them that I don't have the time. I've started to think what would happen if they were to die. Would I miss my father, as I now miss you? I know I'll miss mom. She stills subscribes to the journals. When she sees an interesting paper, she calls me -- with her cell phone! -- to ask me if I'd have a chance to read it. You, however, were right. They do hate each other. I'm sure mom would have been much happier if they had divorced.

I'm going on a date next week. She teaches science writing and has a daughter, about Sophie's age. She has the look that mom always liked, red hair, freckles, and bright blue eyes. She answered my personal on Craig's List. I like her. She seems different from the other women I've met.

I know you won't see this. I know you haven't posted here in years, but I can't send this to you. I can't. I know how happy you are with Muhammed. When you told me that this was the first time you were in love, I cried. Not because of jealousy (really, it's not) it's because it's simply tragic that we kept ourselves from happiness.

I started therapy two weeks ago. The therapist hasn't given a good impression. She's only asked questions, and admittedly, I don't understand how she intends to help if I don't understand what the purpose of asking so many tangential questions is. It's frustrating.

My students, as always, are wonderful. I have an Italian-American graduate student from Brooklyn. He's so good-looking! He looks like Johnny Depp. The women, and some of the men, have become smitten. He's also kind, but his work is lazy and his research methods poor. I'm trying to be as patient and gentle as I can (really, I wish you could see me).

I have to go. I haven't been sleeping well. I get up in the middle of the night, to read your emails. Sweetie, I miss you. Early next year, I think I'll go to Cambridge again. If you'd like, I can visit. I'd also very much like to attend your wedding.

By the way, Keshav has grown two inches this year. He's now about 6'1". Unfortunately, he hunches over badly and seems overwhelmed with his new body. I'll send you a photograph tomorrow.

Wife's Death a Blessing

Adam's Fuck Buddy

Subject: Advice sought on fuck buddies
From: AdamMorgan
Date: Apr 14 2005 11:36AM

I have a fuck buddy. She's beautiful, signifigantly younger than me, and we have amazing sex together. I, however, don't want a relationship. I can easily see that we have little in common, and I have no interest in committing to someone who I know is not my partner in many respects. Remarkably, though we've been having sex like hormonal-crazed bunnies, the topic of an explicit and monogomous relationship hasn't come up.

So, because I'm uncomfortable discussing casual sex with my post-menopausal/liver spotted colleagues who drip their nasal fillings and shake involuntarily around me, and because I'm not interested in spreading gossip in this tribal village that's also a university, I'd like to ask:

1) Am I using her? That is, is it unethical of me to assume that she also only wants sex and not a relationship? Should I ask?

2) I've suddenly become afraid of STDs. Although we have protected sex, there are nonetheless many STDs that can be transmitted otherwise. How does one politely mention this topic?

3) I'm really afraid of losing my fuck buddy. Is there a polite way to make permanent a temporary relationship?

4) Most of all, I'm afraid of falling in love with her, or her falling in love with me, because of the human tendency to like or love who is around you and doesn't treat you like a journalist in Tom Delay's office. Although this may sound rhetorical, it's not: is there any way to insure that I only see her for her remarkably large breasts, perfectly curved ass, long, beautiful, black, curly hair and blue eyes only?

http://fray.slate.msn.com/?id=3936&m=14388124

This is the post that made me suspicious...

Subject: A date! I'm going on a date!
From: AdamMorgan
Date: Mar 1 2005 8:26AM

This morning, when I walked into my office to drop off my coat and backpack, I found a note slipped under the door. Handwritten, it first offered her condolscences about the death of my wife and Sophie, my daughter, and then -- shockingly -- it said how much she admired me. For years, the note said, she's seen me at faculty events and wanted to talk to me but hadn't had the courage. So, the note concluded, she'd like to meet me at the French restaurant on the second floor of the graduate student union on Saturday.

I was so shocked, I was slumped into my chair for about half an hour, deciding what to do. Then, I decided, it won't hurt to simply meet her. In a brief email, I told her that I'm only interested in meeting. I'm not interested in romance, a relationship, or anything else related to a date.

Nonetheless, after I sent it, and she responded and we decided on a time, it felt like a date. I haven't been on a date in 16 years, since I met Susanne, my wife.

So, I'd like to ask:

How does one dress? Normally, I wear jeans and a sweater. Should I dress up? Should I pay for the meal? I make much more than her -- about three times more if the university guide to faculty salaries is a guide.

Do you hold a door open for a woman? Is this still considered appropriate? Does it make a difference if you don't?

If you've been in this position, in which you haven't dated in almost two decades, or if you just want to offer insights or advice, I'd appreciate it.

http://fray.slate.msn.com/?id=3936&m=13984465


When I read this post, I was suspicious. I wrote a couple of folks about it...


Date: Tue, 1 Mar 2005 16:02:29 -0700
From: cat napping
To: xxxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: xxxx!

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personally, i think adam is a persona. I don't think he lost a wife
and child. He wouldn't have titled this: I have a date! He wouldn't be
asking what to wear...sounding as one person put it...giddy.

I think that some people might try to run from grief, and try to jump
into dating sooner than they should...but his response to Ele didn't
ring true to that, either. He words would have elicited a stronger
response. Guilt, Anger, Defensiveness...but he exhibited none of
those. He was analytical and enjoying the fact that Ele said something
so stupid.

It's almost as though he was trolling. What an incredibley
insensitive subject title. I have a date. He HAD to know that would
take people aback. He HAD to know. He's not stupid. So even IF he's
got a dead wife. Even IF he doesn't really give a fuck. You have to
know...he'd realize the population at large would give a fuck.

love,
cat



Date: Tue, 1 Mar 2005 20:37:11 -0700
From: cat napping
To: xxxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: okay now I know he's bullshitting...

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he has a therapist with whom he's been discussing this stuff?

http://fray.slate.msn.com/?id=3936&m=13992088

No therapist would suggest he date this soon.

I think he's bullshitting us all. There is no wife, no daughter...no
car crash. No therapist.

love,
cat

Hiatus - Fray Poster Lies for Post Hits

Subject: Hiatus
From: AdamMorgan
Date: Jan 21 2005 7:36AM

I've decided to temporarily stop posting. When I feel better, perhaps when I can concentrate on something again, I'll start again. I hope this is going to be soon but judging by the way I feel, it's unlikely.

Sunday night, my wife and infant daughter were killed in a car crash. Driving home from the airport, where she dropped off a friend and was on her way to a grocery store, a drunk driver lost control of his SUV, jumped the median on the highway, and hit my wife's car head-on. Both my daughter and wife died immediately, I was told.

Quite honestly, I'm in so much in grief, I can barely function. Unfortunately, because I have a demanding job, it takes my all my concerntation to do basic tasks. The university has accomadated my request to not teach classes, but I still have many other responsibilities that I can't simply abandon. Posting on BOTF and other activities I did daily, such as reading the newspaper and meeting with students at cafes, simply has no interest for me.

The reason, then, I've decided to announce this is because I've found that I've developed strong sympathies for many of the posters. It's truly a shame this is a virtual forum. I'm quite curious what Fritz and his house in Alaska looks like. I wonder if Splendid_Ireny is as compassionate, friendly, and open-minded to her friends, family, and colleagues as she is on this forum. I believe that SF1 is as intelligent and compassionate as my graduate advisor, who won the Noble Prize. I would, actually, list everyone who I'm going to miss, but I'm so exhausted and so grief-filled, even this short post is difficult.

Hopefully, this year, I'll feel like myself again.

http://fray.slate.msn.com/?id=3936&m=13611238