Today my partner and I celebrate 20 years together...
by butterscotch
12/11/2008, 8:59 AM #
This post isn't about anything other than letting the world (well, at least this little dot-of-a-part of the world) know that my partner and I are celebrating 20 years together. We are more in love than we ever have been. We have faced many challenges over the years, but have kept the fact that we know that our lives are to be shared until the day we die as the focus for when things got a little stressful.
We feel competely lucky to have "found" each other at a Ministry concert back in 1988. Since that night, we haven't been apart for more than one week at a time. We share everything from musical tastes, clothing size to our love of art and photography. In fact, the only thing we do not share is my love for baseball and football. I think that is a pretty amazing thing that we are so compatible in so many ways.
We are completely alike yet completely different. We are able to complet each other in a yin-yang since of life. I feel so lucky to have someone that I adore to share my life with each and every day.
We don't know if we would ever get married if the legal option were to be available to us. Our life isn't about "things"...it's about "us". I think that is what defines our relationship. We have been able to adapt and grow in a way that many of our friends and relatives have not when it comes to their personal relationships.
We are thankful for each day we have together and celebrate each and every one of those days together TODAY...twenty years of lovely days all culminated into today's feelings of accomplishment and celebration!
Here's wishing you all love, hope and understanding with someone who "gets you" each and every day of your life!
butterscotch
Showing posts with label butterscotch. Show all posts
Showing posts with label butterscotch. Show all posts
11 December 2008
21 October 2008
This election is dividing my family...
This election is dividing my family...
by butterscotch
10/21/2008, 4:17 PM #
I hung up on my mother last night. It was the first time in my forty-five years that I have ever done that. I was seeing so much red and hearing so much hate coming from her mouth in Florda that I just had to say "goodbye, Mother" and snap my cell phone shut.
She did not call me back.
What had she said that enraged me so? What could she possibly have said that would make me not want to talk to the one person I have loved so much and for so long?
It was several things, actually.
We started out the conversation rationally enough. It has been a few weeks since we had spoken and I was returning a call she had made to me last week and finally had some time to sit and talk to her.
We always talk politics. We usually can agree to disagree because we usally disagree on just about everything when it comes to our political views. She would tell you that she is an Evangelical Christian. I am not sure what I am, but I have not stepped foot in a church for over 25 years. She knows the issues I had with the church that I was raised in...she still goes to the same church now. We don't talk about religion.
She asked me if I had seen Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live and I told her that I had. I told her that she seemed to have a good sense of humor about herself and I thought that she was brave to agree to be on the show. My mother didn't like the rap song and her dancing to it...you know, "real Christians" don't dance.
I told my mom that I would be so happy when the election was finally decided and that I just didn't know how much more of the negativity I could take from the politicians and their respective supporters. She informed me that early-voting had begun in Florida and that there were long lines and problems with the machines and she wondered why they hadn't figured out how to fix it in the four years since the last presidential election. She then went on to tell me that from what she saw on her local news that night that most of the people in line were black and that they were probably all voting for Obama anyway. ISTRIKE ONE!) I called her on what I thought was a racist comment. She ignored my complaint. (although she knows how much racism bothers me and has for years.)
She went on to tell me that she was "really, really afraid of Obama". (not that he might be president, but just a general fear.) She said that she found herself getting physically nauseated whenever she saw him on televsion. She said she wanted to vomit when she heard his voice. (She was now wandering into the STRIKE TWO ZONE with me.) I was exasperated with what she was saying to me. She couldn't give me any explanation as to why she felt this way. At least not until I pressed her for some reason as to her discomfort with his "presence" in her living room on the televsion.
"He's a Muslim." she spat out. I said, "No he is not. He is a Christian just as you claim to be." "Oh, no he isn't. He is a Muslim, a Nazi and a Communist all rolled into one." (STRIKE THREE!) I told her she was saying some things that I found very offensvie and if she didn't change her tone and her language with me that I just might be using some language that she would find offensive. (Out of respect for my mother, I have never even said the word "Gosh" around her...since she finds even that to be "taking the Lord's name in vain".) I felt the "bullshit" and "fuck you" and "where the fuck" bullets on the tip of my tongue. She re-stated her original statement with an emphatic "Well, he IS a Muslim, a Nazi and a Communist..." and with that I just said "Good bye, mother!" and hung up.
I sat there shaking out of anger, hurt and amazement that she had just said those things to me. I began typing an email to her explaining my point of contention with her attitude and language. It took me two hours to write it and re-read it to make sure that my point was clear and that I wasn't being hateful towards her, but standing up to what I see as lies and misinformation that she has gleaned from her fellow "Christians" and from the Fox News/Rush Limbaugh shows that she cannot tear herself away from. I blame the McCain/Palin campaign for upping the hate talk. I blame the people who automatically call anyone who does not believe as they do "Un-American" when it is not based on actual values that America was founded upon...which is freedom for each citizen equally and without measure. No matter what color, religion, race, gender, sexual orientation one might be...the constitution protects all equally.
I sat and cried for a good fifteen minutes as I wrote to her how the one person who had stood up for me when no one else would as I was growing up had now totally let me down. She had to know that the hateful things she was saying to me were also about me since she knows good and well that I will be voting for Obama. She has let this hateful campaign get in the way of what she feels and thinks about her own children. It was such a slap in the face that I just don't know if I will be able to forgive her for it any time soon.
I called her back three hours later to let her know that I had written her an email. She sounded contrite. She said, "I didn't mean to offend you. But I wasn't offended when you said negative things about GW Bush these past eight years." I was aghast! I had never once called him a name or lied about his character or said anything about him that wasn't an opinoin based on fact and truth. I refused to get into it with her again. I just said, "read your email and we will talk later." She told me she would read it in the morning. I still haven't heard from her tonight.
I am crushed that anyone that I had so much respect for could have sunk to such depths of hate and fear. I have never known her to lie to me ever. I can only assume she really thought that she was speaking "truth" last night. As I told her in my email, I cannot associate myself with anyone who makes any decision based on hate or another person's skin color. I don't care who it is.
It may have been one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make in my life.
butterscotch
by butterscotch
10/21/2008, 4:17 PM #
I hung up on my mother last night. It was the first time in my forty-five years that I have ever done that. I was seeing so much red and hearing so much hate coming from her mouth in Florda that I just had to say "goodbye, Mother" and snap my cell phone shut.
She did not call me back.
What had she said that enraged me so? What could she possibly have said that would make me not want to talk to the one person I have loved so much and for so long?
It was several things, actually.
We started out the conversation rationally enough. It has been a few weeks since we had spoken and I was returning a call she had made to me last week and finally had some time to sit and talk to her.
We always talk politics. We usually can agree to disagree because we usally disagree on just about everything when it comes to our political views. She would tell you that she is an Evangelical Christian. I am not sure what I am, but I have not stepped foot in a church for over 25 years. She knows the issues I had with the church that I was raised in...she still goes to the same church now. We don't talk about religion.
She asked me if I had seen Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live and I told her that I had. I told her that she seemed to have a good sense of humor about herself and I thought that she was brave to agree to be on the show. My mother didn't like the rap song and her dancing to it...you know, "real Christians" don't dance.
I told my mom that I would be so happy when the election was finally decided and that I just didn't know how much more of the negativity I could take from the politicians and their respective supporters. She informed me that early-voting had begun in Florida and that there were long lines and problems with the machines and she wondered why they hadn't figured out how to fix it in the four years since the last presidential election. She then went on to tell me that from what she saw on her local news that night that most of the people in line were black and that they were probably all voting for Obama anyway. ISTRIKE ONE!) I called her on what I thought was a racist comment. She ignored my complaint. (although she knows how much racism bothers me and has for years.)
She went on to tell me that she was "really, really afraid of Obama". (not that he might be president, but just a general fear.) She said that she found herself getting physically nauseated whenever she saw him on televsion. She said she wanted to vomit when she heard his voice. (She was now wandering into the STRIKE TWO ZONE with me.) I was exasperated with what she was saying to me. She couldn't give me any explanation as to why she felt this way. At least not until I pressed her for some reason as to her discomfort with his "presence" in her living room on the televsion.
"He's a Muslim." she spat out. I said, "No he is not. He is a Christian just as you claim to be." "Oh, no he isn't. He is a Muslim, a Nazi and a Communist all rolled into one." (STRIKE THREE!) I told her she was saying some things that I found very offensvie and if she didn't change her tone and her language with me that I just might be using some language that she would find offensive. (Out of respect for my mother, I have never even said the word "Gosh" around her...since she finds even that to be "taking the Lord's name in vain".) I felt the "bullshit" and "fuck you" and "where the fuck" bullets on the tip of my tongue. She re-stated her original statement with an emphatic "Well, he IS a Muslim, a Nazi and a Communist..." and with that I just said "Good bye, mother!" and hung up.
I sat there shaking out of anger, hurt and amazement that she had just said those things to me. I began typing an email to her explaining my point of contention with her attitude and language. It took me two hours to write it and re-read it to make sure that my point was clear and that I wasn't being hateful towards her, but standing up to what I see as lies and misinformation that she has gleaned from her fellow "Christians" and from the Fox News/Rush Limbaugh shows that she cannot tear herself away from. I blame the McCain/Palin campaign for upping the hate talk. I blame the people who automatically call anyone who does not believe as they do "Un-American" when it is not based on actual values that America was founded upon...which is freedom for each citizen equally and without measure. No matter what color, religion, race, gender, sexual orientation one might be...the constitution protects all equally.
I sat and cried for a good fifteen minutes as I wrote to her how the one person who had stood up for me when no one else would as I was growing up had now totally let me down. She had to know that the hateful things she was saying to me were also about me since she knows good and well that I will be voting for Obama. She has let this hateful campaign get in the way of what she feels and thinks about her own children. It was such a slap in the face that I just don't know if I will be able to forgive her for it any time soon.
I called her back three hours later to let her know that I had written her an email. She sounded contrite. She said, "I didn't mean to offend you. But I wasn't offended when you said negative things about GW Bush these past eight years." I was aghast! I had never once called him a name or lied about his character or said anything about him that wasn't an opinoin based on fact and truth. I refused to get into it with her again. I just said, "read your email and we will talk later." She told me she would read it in the morning. I still haven't heard from her tonight.
I am crushed that anyone that I had so much respect for could have sunk to such depths of hate and fear. I have never known her to lie to me ever. I can only assume she really thought that she was speaking "truth" last night. As I told her in my email, I cannot associate myself with anyone who makes any decision based on hate or another person's skin color. I don't care who it is.
It may have been one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make in my life.
butterscotch
25 February 2005
mind/body shift for me...
Subject: mind/body shift for me...
From: butterscotch
Date: Feb 25 2005 1:01PM
Well, the day has come. I am no longer just HIV+, I am officially classified as a person with AIDS. Just typing those capital letters together makes me want to close my eyes. Somehow put it off for one more day.
Don't get me wrong...I'm not devestated by the news...I knew that I was getting close to the "magic" T-Cell-count number of 250. I was at 296 the last time I had my blood work done...and with the health problems I have had over the last two months...I knew my immune system had taken a beating. The new number 204 was a jolt, to be sure.
I have been feeling a little out of sorts for the last month...moments of creepiness, chills, lethargy...my afternoon naps had gone from a usual 45 minutes to 3 to 4 hours at a time. I knew something wasn't right, but I just kept telling myself that it was the head-cold that I was dealing with...
So, now starts a new chapter in my life. I will begin medications in a couple of weeks. I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday to figure out which ones I should try and take. When my partner began his regimine, it was brutal. He was violently ill for over a week and they finally had to take him off of one of the meds...I don't think I will even consider that one as an option. I'm taking off work for at least 5 days when I begin so that I can just take it easy and see where it takes me physically.
One med, Sustiva, is one that frightens me the most. It can produce night terrors...and I am a vivd dreamer already. My partner had them off and on for the first year he was taking it. I was punched in my sleep more than once...I just hope I don't become too paranoid to sleep.
Emotionally, I am pretty okay with the news. I'm not one to project ahead in my thought processes very far. I am a one-day-at-a-time kind of person. I deal with the reality of each day and go from there.
I really am not looking for any kind of hand holding or sympathy from anyone. The people that know me personally are the ones that matter the most. They are there for me. I am there for them. I will have all the love and support I could possibly need...and hopefully, I won't be needing too much.
I just wanted to open a window to those of you who may not really have an idea as to what AIDS patients are dealing with at this time. 12 years ago, it was a death sentence. Now, if treated carefully and diligently, (and one responds to the meds positively) an average life expectancy is not out of the question.
There is a rather large stigma attached to AIDS, even in my mind, that opening up about it, even with virtual strangers, can dispel the myths that still linger in many people's minds.
I am kind of numb, to be honest with you...but if I think about it, nothing has really changed that much in the last 3 months, except now I AM a person with AIDS. I am.
From: butterscotch
Date: Feb 25 2005 1:01PM
Well, the day has come. I am no longer just HIV+, I am officially classified as a person with AIDS. Just typing those capital letters together makes me want to close my eyes. Somehow put it off for one more day.
Don't get me wrong...I'm not devestated by the news...I knew that I was getting close to the "magic" T-Cell-count number of 250. I was at 296 the last time I had my blood work done...and with the health problems I have had over the last two months...I knew my immune system had taken a beating. The new number 204 was a jolt, to be sure.
I have been feeling a little out of sorts for the last month...moments of creepiness, chills, lethargy...my afternoon naps had gone from a usual 45 minutes to 3 to 4 hours at a time. I knew something wasn't right, but I just kept telling myself that it was the head-cold that I was dealing with...
So, now starts a new chapter in my life. I will begin medications in a couple of weeks. I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday to figure out which ones I should try and take. When my partner began his regimine, it was brutal. He was violently ill for over a week and they finally had to take him off of one of the meds...I don't think I will even consider that one as an option. I'm taking off work for at least 5 days when I begin so that I can just take it easy and see where it takes me physically.
One med, Sustiva, is one that frightens me the most. It can produce night terrors...and I am a vivd dreamer already. My partner had them off and on for the first year he was taking it. I was punched in my sleep more than once...I just hope I don't become too paranoid to sleep.
Emotionally, I am pretty okay with the news. I'm not one to project ahead in my thought processes very far. I am a one-day-at-a-time kind of person. I deal with the reality of each day and go from there.
I really am not looking for any kind of hand holding or sympathy from anyone. The people that know me personally are the ones that matter the most. They are there for me. I am there for them. I will have all the love and support I could possibly need...and hopefully, I won't be needing too much.
I just wanted to open a window to those of you who may not really have an idea as to what AIDS patients are dealing with at this time. 12 years ago, it was a death sentence. Now, if treated carefully and diligently, (and one responds to the meds positively) an average life expectancy is not out of the question.
There is a rather large stigma attached to AIDS, even in my mind, that opening up about it, even with virtual strangers, can dispel the myths that still linger in many people's minds.
I am kind of numb, to be honest with you...but if I think about it, nothing has really changed that much in the last 3 months, except now I AM a person with AIDS. I am.
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