01 March 2005

This is the post that made me suspicious...

Subject: A date! I'm going on a date!
From: AdamMorgan
Date: Mar 1 2005 8:26AM

This morning, when I walked into my office to drop off my coat and backpack, I found a note slipped under the door. Handwritten, it first offered her condolscences about the death of my wife and Sophie, my daughter, and then -- shockingly -- it said how much she admired me. For years, the note said, she's seen me at faculty events and wanted to talk to me but hadn't had the courage. So, the note concluded, she'd like to meet me at the French restaurant on the second floor of the graduate student union on Saturday.

I was so shocked, I was slumped into my chair for about half an hour, deciding what to do. Then, I decided, it won't hurt to simply meet her. In a brief email, I told her that I'm only interested in meeting. I'm not interested in romance, a relationship, or anything else related to a date.

Nonetheless, after I sent it, and she responded and we decided on a time, it felt like a date. I haven't been on a date in 16 years, since I met Susanne, my wife.

So, I'd like to ask:

How does one dress? Normally, I wear jeans and a sweater. Should I dress up? Should I pay for the meal? I make much more than her -- about three times more if the university guide to faculty salaries is a guide.

Do you hold a door open for a woman? Is this still considered appropriate? Does it make a difference if you don't?

If you've been in this position, in which you haven't dated in almost two decades, or if you just want to offer insights or advice, I'd appreciate it.


When I read this post, I was suspicious. I wrote a couple of folks about it...

Date: Tue, 1 Mar 2005 16:02:29 -0700
From: cat napping
Subject: Re: xxxx!

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personally, i think adam is a persona. I don't think he lost a wife
and child. He wouldn't have titled this: I have a date! He wouldn't be
asking what to wear...sounding as one person put it...giddy.

I think that some people might try to run from grief, and try to jump
into dating sooner than they should...but his response to Ele didn't
ring true to that, either. He words would have elicited a stronger
response. Guilt, Anger, Defensiveness...but he exhibited none of
those. He was analytical and enjoying the fact that Ele said something
so stupid.

It's almost as though he was trolling. What an incredibley
insensitive subject title. I have a date. He HAD to know that would
take people aback. He HAD to know. He's not stupid. So even IF he's
got a dead wife. Even IF he doesn't really give a fuck. You have to
know...he'd realize the population at large would give a fuck.


Date: Tue, 1 Mar 2005 20:37:11 -0700
From: cat napping
Subject: okay now I know he's bullshitting...

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he has a therapist with whom he's been discussing this stuff?


No therapist would suggest he date this soon.

I think he's bullshitting us all. There is no wife, no daughter...no
car crash. No therapist.


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