10 August 2009

Why I joined the Fray "Clicque."

Why I joined the Fray "Clicque".
08/10/2009, 2:27 PM

"The cabal lives. Long live the cabal."


"Either you side with horseshit or you don't."

Since I joined the "Fray Clicque" about four years ago I've learned a lot about the kinds of folks that post here. I've learned who to trust and who not to trust, whose opinions matter and whose aren't worth a shit, who the freaks and misfits and nutjobs and wackos and mental defectives and degenerates and fucktards are, and who belong in the upper society of the rational and the sane and the literate; I've learned how to distinguish the cultured and the educated from the ignorant and vulgar, the sane from the insane, the healthy from the sick, the worthy from the colliding human wreckages, those with a sense of fair play and justice and decency from those who belong behind bars, and those with something valuable to contribute from those whose only purpose [when not self-medicating] is to spam this board with their excrescences and other bodily fluids; yep, I've learned who to read and who to avoid and I've learned how to recognize trolls and sock puppets and the primordial life forms that typically spawn them.

I've also learned that if there's one relevant social purpose served by the fray it's that it functions as a fairly reliable measure of all that is wrong with the very worst ideas and opinions from serial fuckwits everywhere: If the "Insane Clown Posse" [royalties en route to you, ThyGoddess] belches forth its vociferous gustiness on any topic, then their outspokenness is always the most dependable indication that the correct position is in fact the contrary one.

I grant that even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day, and that the lower life forms on the fray may sometimes be accurate, laws of probability, etc, but discerning this verisimilitude requires actually reading them and, beyond the kind of freak-show pleasure one derives from skimming the interminable blatherings of LAM, Tempo, ci-inc, justoffal, denny, days, Ellen and JackDallas, there is very little chance that a sane poster will be able to pick a nugget from their brimming avalanches of suffocating horseshit. Besides being examples of breathtaking inanity, their posts are an impertinent outrage against reason, logic and sanity.

After a while on the fray you come to make these requisite distinctions, or judgments, and that's a very good thing because it helps you put certain fraynomena into perspective: you will now know why that flaccid musculature betwixt justoffal's ears must publicly perform its daily calisthenics; you'll know why Tempo lives but to mine data on you and your sane friends, and why she writes voluminous behind-the-scenes inflammatory emails just to get those she covets banned; you will understand why LAM is in the advanced stages of what I've named as her "phototaxis syndrome" which, combined with a lethal trio of drugs, criminality and proximity to keyboard proves absolutely deadly, in the worst way; you'll know why that herniated jockstrap from Texas must insinuate his emasculated and shriveled-up cock into every thread of yours and why there's always that high-pitched ringing noise in your ears afterwards -- think eunuch, think Venice Boys Choir, think loss of marbles to the intemperate Tempo -- JackDallas doesn't amble about all bandy-legged because he's a Texas cowboy used to sitting atop a horse, no, he's that way because his mare deballed him; you will have a solid grasp on the peculiar insanity of ci-inc, that 60+yr old pathological fetus, whose premature posts betray a sad but incurable autistic relationship with the world and the people in it, and also why he trolls the posts of his betters with his hifalutin, unreadable and impenetrable hogwash; you will know why a certain lunatic has installed herself as the conscience of the fray, even though certain private disclosures have since proved she doesn't actually possess one; and, finally, you will know why all the trolls [you know who they are] must spam the board with their drivel and links and their cuts & pastes and their offensive fonts and typescripts -- Their motto: "I Spam Therefore I Am". After a while on the fray you learn to separate the wheat from the chaff. Hopefully your avoidance of the latter is directly proportional to your appreciation of the former.

But isn't it a sad reflection that we sane posters must waste so much of our precious posting time wrestling with these primitive deformities? These incurable, terminal cases are lost and no amount of goodwill on our part [hello, skitch] can make them right. So, why even bother? Why not emulate Fritz or Gregor, as CC suggested, and just ignore the fuckers altogether? Why are we motivated to rid our realm of their pestilential presence? Well, I suppose there's a bit of the civic-minded janitor in us all: we see litter and our first instinct is to bend over and pick it up so as to dispose of it correctly. But that bending over is a very dodgy business, especially with the likes of Dallas and ci-inc wandering about with their looders dangling, or justoffal with his sizzling electrodes. Bend at your peril, my lovelies.

And how shocked we are to discover that sometimes that litter wishes to remain exactly where it is, hence our perennial consternation and our aggrieved sense of justice -- no, we simply wish to restore the right balance to things. But maybe our sense of proportion is all off, maybe we should leave the dissolutes alone, ignore them and get on with our own business. If Jack-I-Fucked-Tempo-Dallas tries to hijack a post of yours, as he surely will, and must, then try to accept it and recognize that the poor pathetic moron is incapable of anything loftier, then just leave it at that. Nothing can be done for him. Comfort yourself with the consolatory thought that at least you are not him. I know I do.

And that's why I took the secret oath and joined the "clicque" of the sane. I know I risk permanent expulsion for breaking rules 1 & 2 of the Cabal, but some risks are worth taking for the Summum Bonum. I must mind because the loons don't matter. So, why don't you all join us? Come on in, the gene pool's warm 'n cosy, and new life forms are evolving all the while. Admission is free, however membership is contingent on your remaining sane and not succumbing to "Insane Clown Posse" peer pressure.

"The Cabal lives. Long live the Cabal."


"Purge the Fray of horseshit."

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