10 August 2009

As the Trailer Court Turns

As the Trailer Court Turns
by Fritz Gerlich
08/10/2009, 8:30 PM #

Gregor Samsa runs one of the biggest identity-theft rings in the United States. It's made him very, very wealthy. He's considering seeking the Republican nomination for governor of his state.

seasquirt had a brief affair with Demosthenes2. It ended with each blaming the other for wrecking his/her marriage. seasquirt has since joined an evangelical church. Demo is in treatment for sex addiction.

To rejuvenate his flagging career, Archaeopteryx started claiming sightings of the ivory-billed woodpecker. He also sold a fake stuffed ivory-bill to a Saudi prince for $15,000.

another liberal is an associate minister in an evangelical megachurch. He is currently agonizing over his furtive gay affair with one of the young adult leaders.

TenaciousK is a BATF agent currently posted in Provo, Utah. His specialty is arson.

Camille Claudel is afraid of flying. In his spare time, he likes popping bubble wrap. Also, putting cornstarch in a pan, covering it with water, and then slowly letting his fingers sink into it.

Angel of Dearth has been a paraplegic since Desert Storm. He lives in Berkeley, California, where he is a legendary go player in public parks.

Dawn Coyote spent time in juvy after a suspicious fatal accident killed her little sister. They didn't charge her with anything, though. Not enough evidence.

topazz is a compulsive credit card binger. Two bankruptcies, to date. She also goes to confession compulsively. The priests shudder when they see her coming.

TheBell, a once-successful personal injury lawyer, is now almost totally ruined by his drinking. He's tried rehab, AA, hypnosis, you name it. Nothing works.

skitch is one of those TSA guys that opens your luggage. He likes to feel ladies' underwear.

Schmutzie's got a clever thing going. The window business is just a front. He sets up turnkey meth labs and sells them to gangs--for a cool $75K cash, each.

Isonomist got fired from her last job for sending—from her work computer--e-mails containing threats and obscenity to candidates for public office.

Fritz Gerlich operates a motel-gift shop outside Wasilla, where he grows, smokes, and sells a lot of pot. He’s also tried selling bogus stories about the Palin family to the media.

daveto is a bigshot businessman and a transvestite. He posts pictures of himself in drag on a website called "The Me I'd Like To Be." He favors frilly wedding gowns.

biteoftheweek is a fat Mormon lady who spends all day in front of the computer in haircurlers. She loves to fantasize about having a "cute husband."

DallasNE used to be big in Tom DeLay campaigns. Now he’s trying, without much success, to market himself to the Ron Paul outfit.

run75567 has been trying to get his Marine Corps discharge upgraded to "honorable" for almost 40 years.

august’s wife has twice had him arrested twice on domestic violence charges. He says the anger management classes are helping, but his wife still doesn't want him back in the apartment.

Inkberrow has a well-regarded political commentary blog. He supports it by writing soft porn for young ladies under the pseudonym "Candy Standish."

ThyGoddess is a checkout clerk in a PigglyWiggly store. She had a nice little dominatrix sideline for quite a few years, but she's getting too old for that now.

MaryAnne is a cocaine mule, reputedly one of the best in the business.

Dr. No. manages a convenience store in Pecan Acres, Texas. His real passion is attending Star Trek conventions.

Schadenfreude is a defrocked priest currently teaching freshman composition at a minor campus in Alberta. His real passion is drinking himself to death.

RonB52 is a retired championship motocross racer. He has trophies, plaques and medals all over his house. He loves it when his grandchildren visit and he can tell them stories of his most thrilling races.

artandsoul is married to a Cuban whose business she never asks about.

Urquhart is an African-American personal care attendant in Cookeville, Tennessee. He is so skilled, thoughtful and courteous that the agency who books him has long had to maintain a waiting list for his services.

skeptical2 has been a patient at Bridgewater State Hospital since he was involuntarily committed 51 years ago (for no other reason, apparently, than that he was publicly intoxicated). He has been trying ever since, without success, to get a court to review his commitment order.

fritz gerlich

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