Auld Fraye

Auld Fraye
by skitch
02/10/2009, 9:51 AM #

Stephen Kitterich sighed and pushed back exhaustedly from the workbench in his dimly lit quarters. As he climbed to his feet, he snuffed the oil lamp augmenting the anemic light that filtered through the tiny window in the wall high above. "I shall hie me to the Towne Square that I might peruse the Poste," he thought to himself. He stepped into the crisp morning air and made his way up the cobbled street, avoiding pools and piles of unidentifiable material, and waving merrily to screaming children as they pranced around him.

The Poste derived its name from a dilapidated wooden post in the center of the square to which was affixed a slab of slate covered in turn by rough-hewn boards. Every square inch of board was encrusted with multiple layers of fraying parchment. Townsfolk were encouraged to publish their thoughts and hold public discourse on the Poste. Kitterich eagerly surveyed the topmost layers looking for something new and interesting.

On the Mythe of the Diaspora
Post'd by SunGod
Know ye that it is Oft-Claimed, by those Weak of Mind, that the
Historie of the Diaspora is Writ in Stone and that the Poore Israelites
were driven in their Hundreds of Thousandes from Home and Hearth!
I have it on Unimpeachable Authority that such numbers are False
and Laugh-able! Who amonst thee, having spent even the Tiniest
Fraction of Tyme and Effort to seek the Truth, truly Believeth that
Israelites congregated in such Vast Numbers in That Place and at
That Tyme? These Townes were not Paris! These Townes were not
Lundun! Were the True Numbers one Tenth, nay, e'en one Hundredth
of these 'maginary sums, 'twould still Beggar Belief! The Truth is a
Mighty Voice sweeping all before it into the Sea. A Hue and Cry builds,
as surely as I Write these Words, that will Compel the Stone to be Re-Writ!
Nostradamus prophesied a Tyme of Flame and Retribution. Only the Blind
and Foolish can doubt that that Tyme is 'pon us! I am but a Simple Messenger!

Hark! Nostradumbass!
Post'd by AgeOfEnlightenment
Begone, foul Jack-knave! The Grande High Inquisitor wrote thee a Missive!
He Requesteth the return of his Rack!

Re: Hark! Nostradumbass!
Post'd by SunGod
Jack-knave, am I? Well thou'rt naught but a Worth-less Jackanapes!
Belyttle the good people of the Inquisitione at thy peril! Hast consider'd
that the Spanish Inquisitione mightn't be the Reason'd Response of a people
Unfairly Deceiv'd and made Victim of Fraude? Could'st not Expect such a
reaction when Reasonable Persons are thus beset?

Nobody expecteth the Spanish Inquisitione!
Post'd by WorthlessJackanapes
(I merely saith!)

When Reasonable Persons are beset?
Post'd by AgeOfEnlightenment
Thy hapless readers know well the meaning of "beset". Nay, thy unrepentant
preoccupation with the Jewe marks thee rather as one besotted. Have thee
naught of greater worth to occupy thy time than the trivial exchange of a
dullard's mad ravings 'pon the Poste? Methinks thou stealeth thy Master's
time by thy constant dalliance here.

Re: When Reasonable Persons are beset?
Post'd by SunGod
Mark me well, 'twas the Jewe caused the collapse of the Walls of Jericho
and myriad are the accounts describing their celebration and merriment
'pon its destruction! As for my Master, know thou that I have none! My time
is mine own and I've the luxury of plenty of it. I had the Foresight to adopt
the Moderne Carroting process for creating the Felt I useth to
Block out Hats for my Clientele!

Kitterich stepped back, shaking his head. "'Od's bodkin. Is there nothing new?"

Movement in his peripheral vision made him turn slightly. He watched as an anonymous, asexual figure wrapped from head to toe in shapeless, unremarkable cloth crept furtively up to the Poste, rummaged through the flyers for a moment, held a new parchment against the surface, and finally pounded a tack through it to hold it in place. Turning to leave, the figure spied Kitterich and nodded a self-conscious greeting before scampering away. Kitterich moved closer to locate the new message.

"Hmm, Post'd by MuttonStew... Alack, methinks the imp was bent 'pon new-hatch'd mischief!" Kitterich checked beneath the newest addition and followed the thread of overlapping parchments back to the first one posted. "Behold! An essay by TheKnell!"

On the Suppression of Savages in the Newe World!
Post'd by TheKnell
Storys of the Newe World arrive nigh Monthly as the Great Ships-of-the-Line
ply the King's Business 'cross the Briny Deep. 'Mongst these storys come tales
of Fearsome Savag'ry and Epic Struggle, tales of Brave Men striving 'gainst the
Darkness with the Enlightenment of Our Great Age. Tales to Enflame Pride in
Empire a'growing! And yet: also do These Tales give me Pause. For hear we also
tales of Red-Men, tales of The Other. And the Storys these Tales tell bring me
Disquiet. By all accounts these Red-Men, these Others, are much like Thee and
Me 'pon the surface but Fierce of Aspect and Unrestrain'd of Behaviour. Are we
to Believe such accounts? Similar tales Told in Years Past have been told to
Enflame more than Pride. Tales of the Moor, of the Jew, of the Turk. Tales of
Hatred and Intolerance. Likeways do these tales of the Savages of the Newe
World tell of Bloody Retribution, of the Prosecution of King's Justice by Blade
and Cross. Are not all Persons belov'd of God and entitled, as are We All, to His Grace?

Kitterich found himself nodding in agreement. "Surely TheKnell hath a pen of purest silver! For though I care not always for his words, yet ne'er do I regret having read them!" Scanning down the overlapped parchments, Kitterich sampled a few of TheKnell's respondents.

The Savages of the Newe World are but Soul-less heathen!
Post'd by FistOfGod
'Tis passing strange that thou Takest up the Defence of the Heathen. By mine
Own Lights I Opine that the Lord without doubt hath Bidden his Children take
up His work and Excise the Blyght of Unbelief where'ere 'tis found. Thy God
and Mine wouldst of a surety Call for the Utter Destruction of any who Walketh
Not with Him! Wherefore wouldst thou think elsewise?

"Hark, I hear the cry of a Loon." Kitterich continued to follow the trail of parchment started by TheKnell.

Newe World?
Post'd by Diemacchus
Fool! Court Jester! None have discovered aught of a "Newe World"! For if they
had tried, they would Surely have fallen to their Doom! That many have returned
Safely from So-Called voyages to the "Newe World" is surely proof that it Cannot
exist, for 'tis obvious that none may Venture beyond the Edge of This One. What
are we to make of the Many Poor Souls who have NOT returned? They are the
Truth that puts the Lie to any sorte of "Newe World"!

Cretin!
Post'd by AgeOfEnlightenment
Tell me, wise Diemacchus, hast thou determin'd how many Angels may fit 'pon
the Pointe of a Needle? Thou rouseth my Spleen, and I Laugh myself Loudly
into Stitches! Prithee tell me how 'tis possible that thou believeth still in the Earth's
flat-ness when the Truth of its form is writ Plain within the pages of the Principia Wykipaedia?

Fie 'pon the Principia!
Post'd by Diemacchus
Art thou not aware of the agenda of its authors? Lyars and Scoundrels all, and
their Words amount to Lyttle more than the Excreta of the Taurus!

Sighing, Kitterich stepped back once more to reflect upon what he had read. As before, when the area around the Poste appeared empty, another unidentifiable figure crept out of the shadows and furtively attached a new message to the Poste. Tired of reading but newly curious, Kitterich stepped forward once more to examine the latest offering.

On the Role of the Jewe
Post'd by Alarum
Thou'rt without doubt Well and Truly acquainted with the scurr'lous Moneychanger
bequeath'd to our Moderne Tyme by Ancient Jewry. The Jewe is a Mean and
Selfish wretch and all Persons of Goode Character must needs Oppose the
Semite lest he succeed in Seizing the Reins of Free Trade! Why, did'st knowe
that the Jewe alone controls One Parte in Seven of all gold and silver? That a
Shadowed and Omnipresent hand ensures that thou pay'st a Third Tithe, to King,
to Church, and to the Jewe?

"God's teeth! We art beset by lackwits and buffoons!" Energized now, Kitterich
spun about and made his way back to his quarters, mentally composing his next
contribution to the Poste. Arriving home, he removed the tray from his home
GutenBook Pro and began sorting through his type drawer. Working quickly now,
he began to lay leaden characters into the tray, his mind reversing the mirrored
glyphs as he went:

Anciente Fraye
Post'd by skitterich
Septimus Kitchabus sighed and pushed back exhaustedly from the workbench
in his dimly lit quarters...