06 January 2008

Lillianne's Apology, Heavily Qualified

Lilliane's top post apology comes less than two weeks after Blogger had to step in and stop her and Laurie from posting inappropriate comments on a couple of Fraysters' blogs.

I Can't Do This Any Longer.
by Lilith
01/06/2008, 1:40 PM #

It's amazing how a major life upheaval can compel self-assessment and renewed perspective.

This won't be articulate, but it will be heartfelt. I humbly and sincerely apologize to anyone I've ever hurt or offended on The Fray throughout the years. It doesn't matter why or how or if I've been wronged. I'm not like that offline...and it's a negative, evil lie to do so online. Online, offline -- it's still a part of me.

I've been insecure and bitter, and my mistaken sense of online, removed anonymity has created a stupid, ill-conceived safety net for me to vent and attack. Bad Lilly.

[Aside -- My husband just looked over my shoulder as I was writing this, and as I explained to him that I'm apologizing to everyone I've ever hurt on The Fray, he said "Do you really have that much time? We have to get our life back on track."]

I do, truly, love all the friends I've made over the years here, and even some of my enemies -- who aren't my enemies in truth.

I'm not doing this because I want responses or forgiveness. I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do. If you want to reply "Fuck you, bitch," please do. I deserve it.

Much love and happiness for you all in this corporal existence...


Finally, some honesty...
by SouthernGal
01/07/2008, 7:07 AM #

from Gypsy. I'm not implying that Gypsy is not usually honest, I'm implying that she is almost always honest and there is so very little of that on the fray...thanks Gypsy.

Lilith, you have always made fun of my lack of education because your "friend" convinced you I was insecure about it. Of course that was and is utter bullshit and speaks more to her insecurities than mine. I told her I envied her education because she was afforded one and I wasn't. The thing neither of you seem to understand is that you can have the best high dollar education money can buy and still be completely stupid...you [both] prove it all the time.

You once convinced me, Lilith that you wanted to be my friend and I fell for it to my own detriment...never again. You hacked the Kausville site and deleted every post and poem I had ever written besides deleting my posting status. And why did you do it Lilith? Because your "friend" hated/hates me and you without caring about fairness hated me too on her behalf...so yes, fuck you, bitch. I cannot think of one thing I've ever done to you. You've attacked my whole family because of a jealous petty bitch and for that I cannot EVER forgive.

Everyone screeches about Cat using legal names and you threaten to sue her...ha ha ha yet none of you had one qualm about using my daughter's legal name to attack me. What would "your friend" do if I used her son's name to attack her? The hypocrite would shit bricks and threaten to sue...no doubt? Since I never told you my daughter's name I believe it is pretty safe to assume where you got it.

The reason you cannot and will not apologize to Cat is because she has bested you and has the proof of your hoax. You denying it might have worked better if another poster had not also proven that you were the perpetrator of the hoax. After hacking her [Cat's] email account you thought you had gotten rid of all the evidence but you should have known better.

From your post I guess we can assume you are going through a rough spot in life. If you learn something from it that'd be great but I believe that once you get back on top of your game you'll revert back to the same old Lilith who is full of herself, who is hateful and vindictive for no other reason than just shits and giggles.

Take Gypsy's advice and use your intelligence for something other than hate. Grow a conscience...unless you do you are nothing but a waste of air...IMO.

I'm afraid the only thing that will ever be between you and I, Lilith is...fuck you, bitch!


Re: Finally, some honesty...
by Lilith
01/07/2008, 8:38 AM #

LOL! I'm sorry, San, I didn't read most of your post. I did see your last sentence, wherein you use the phrase "between you and I." I believe, if I may, that like so many people who don't know the difference, you think it sounds better to say "I." But it's grossly incorrect, and it's one of my biggest pet peeves.

It's "me," hon.

...."between you and me."

An easy way to keep this little basic grammar rule in mind is to delete the "between you and" from the sentence. You'll see that "me" is appropriate every time you use the preposition "between," because you're dealing with the object of the preposition.

Pretty basic stuff.

You're part of the cat cabal (the only part, really), so I didn't expect anything from you. I do feel I've been unfair and hurtful to you at times, so I do apologize for everything I've written to and about you that's been out of line. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I want you to know I was wrong.

As for Gypsy, she and I are friends and go back a long Fray way. I should never have said what I said to her in re: cat -- and I will make amends with her. I hope she will forgive me, because I love her and care about her thoughts of me.

So take care, San, and keep reading. I'm saying this purely as a constructive thought -- reading is the best way to improve one's writing and grammar skills.

Re: Finally, some honesty...
by Lilith
01/07/2008, 9:27 AM #

Okay, SG, I just read your post. I'm going to use restraint here, and keep it basic.

I don't know how to hack. I've never hacked in my life. I do not know my way around a computer, other than to switch my router on and off. I was never sandalphon, ever.

I don't apologize to cat because she continues to lie about the aforementioned and has never, ever stopped. To this day I don't know why. Pathology? Confusion? I don't know. Additionally, your accusing me of hacking into a website could be construed as being actionable. If I were you, I'd not do that.

On the lives of my family, I've never, ever been sandalphon, nor have I ever hacked into any website. I wouldn't know the first thing about how to accomplish it. I've posed, I've been a mean bitch, but I've never hacked, nor have I ever posed as the simple sandalphon.

I reiterate - I'm sorry for anything I've done to hurt you, SG, but I must restrict my mea culpas to malfeasance I actually performed, and nothing more.

Not buyin' it.
by Schadenfreude
01/07/2008, 10:00 AM #

I call bullshit.

Re: Not buyin' it.
by Lilith
01/07/2008, 10:13 AM #

LOL!!! You can call it, and it may smell like it, and you may have waded in it before while sauntering through the Fray pasture, and it may look exactly like a big steaming pile of bovine dung, but it ain't.

As I said, lil....
by SouthernGal
01/07/2008, 10:25 AM #

fuck you, bitch. Gee, hope I got that right.


So much for your fucking honesty. I strictly responded to prove just how dishonest and insincere you really were and you passed that test with flying colors.

As I said I've never done a thing to you but in your eyes my greatest sin is being friends with Cat. WOW! What a valid crime. If who we hang around with was a crime you'd be in prison. Yes siree look at that sparkling intelligence of yours.

Your apologies aren't worth spit so you can shove them...they mean absolutely nothing to me.

Re: Not buyin' it.
by Lilith
01/07/2008, 10:31 AM #

No, Shad. I'm not a sociopath, and I truly didn't "do" all the things here for which I'm blamed. But that's okay. I'm not doing this in an attempt to win friends or enter Fray circles. I'm doing this because something happened last week that bitch-slapped the hell out of me...and I knew I needed to make amends...and the only place I've been an evil cow has been The Fray, for whatever sick reason I was acting out.

I don't want to defend or convince. I've never had enough dealings with you so that it matters to your life, nor have I been a meaningful contributor to The Fray since Moira's tenure.

I'm just very sorry if I've ever been a bitch to you or my words have hurt you, so yes, I'll fuck off.


Re: As I said, lil....
by Lilith
01/07/2008, 10:32 AM #

SG, I don't hack. Good Lord, woman, hackers don't show their faces in the light of day. LOL!

Re: Not buyin' it.
by Schadenfreude
01/07/2008, 10:52 AM #

Yes, you are a sociopath, and you didn't have to do everything of which you've been accused to qualify.

By your own admission, your mission to destroy the lives of several people arose from some petty jealousy. That's pretty much how we tell who the sociopaths are, Lilith. Normal people just have a little sulk for 10 minutes or so, and then get on with their lives.

Re: Not buyin' it.
by Lilith
01/07/2008, 11:04 AM #

I have gotten on with my life, Shad. I've just used the internet to be a bitch...and it's been really, really wrong...but I've NEVER tried to "destroy lives." C'mon...you know that's just not the case. How in the hell did I ever try to "destroy a life"? By getting into flame wars on the internet?


Fucking hell. Jesus H. You're going to have to do better than that if you're going to accuse someone of being a sociopath. Sociopaths don't feel much of anything, including jealousy, and they sure as shit don't feel remorse.

Re: the jealousy thing -- I was jealous of the girls. That's why I was a bitch to them. It was juvenile and ignorant and mean-spirited, and I knew it was while I was doing it. They truly, truly didn't deserve it.

As for cat and SG -- well -- they out and out lied re: sandalphon and hacking. Boom. Out of the blue. I hadn't even been on The Fray when I heard that I was accused of being that fucking sandalphon character. Then the hacking thing. The hacking thing was hilarious. That's why I went after them. It hurt, and it hurt bad. But I shouldn't have, because it was all bullshit from initiation.

What dealings with you have I ever had? If I've dissed you, I'm truly sorry.

And yes, it hurts that you're calling me a sociopath. It hurt when Urq wrote that about me. I guess I can understand why you'd want to do that. Okay, I'll take the blow. I probably deserve it.

After all, I've been free with the attacking words, so I should expect the same. I'm sorry, Shad.

Re: Not buyin' it.
by Lilith
01/07/2008, 11:06 AM #

Fucking hell, I've been horrible. Shit. I'm really sorry.

Re: Not buyin' it.
by Lilith
01/07/2008, 11:08 AM #

Is there anything I can do to make it up, or should I just shut the fuck up?

Is it past making it right?

I'm really sorry, guys.
by Lilith
01/07/2008, 11:35 AM #

Just heap what you need to heap on me. I'm sorry for any verbal pain I've generated, the pain I've caused, and any pain I've known about but chose to ignore. It's really, really bad, and I wish I could make you see how bad I feel about it.

SG, that goes for you, too. Please forgive me...and I'll understand if you can't. But I swear on everything that I've never hacked nor have I posed as sandalphon.

Re: I'm really sorry, guys.
by LaurieAnnM
01/07/2008, 12:13 PM #

Lil, my dear ..you are doing what you believe is best for you, what is in your heart. That's all you can do. I always tell my son," if you do what you know to be right or good then inside of yourself you will be strong and it will carry you through life. It won't mattter what barbs or jabs others throw at you, because in your own core of your soul you will have an inner wall of spiritual strength because you won't be carrying hate or guilt and will know deeply that you are doing your utmost to be upright,good and true."

People are fallible,imperfect,human. All of us.

Our abilty to self reflect is what gives us the strength to survive. Our own accountabilty to our own behaviors, makes it possible to be right within ourselves

Right within our own souls is what matters..

You did that. If others won't forgive or accept it.That's okay, too.

They feel burned and don't trust you yet.

That's okay,too.

I know you better than most around here and this apology is not a first. And you are right, the defining characteristic of a sociopath is the lack of remorse.

You certainly are showimng remorse and again..you have many times apologized to me,before.

So, I believe in your conscience.

In the 7 years I have known you many times would come on the board and tell me you were sorry for whatever you had done to me,(years ago) and you wrote you were 'not like this in real life' and how badly you felt about what you wrote..it wouldn't usually last long(smile) back then..and then you and I would be off to the races again!

Oh, man!... how we used to battle on the old fray,eh!?
people probably don't know but you and I were arch arch arch enemies for over 5 years here,... or more...we would go head to head, toe to toe kicklng the HELL out of each other, for literally 10-12 hours at a stretch, back in the day.

So, yeah, I know you! Those silly, pre-kevin era battles when things were so loose around here..we both battled endlessly! Now, since we've been on good terms, for over a year, we've shared about how privately at home we both were laughing about these battles.

But, not always.

Sometimes they were very rough on me and I imagine visa versa.

It took me a few months of learning to trust you before we reached the point we are at today.

But I can honestly say I do trust you, today.

I know you to have a good heart and to certainly have a conscience.

Most of the time these poses and rants have been for tension relievers for you. I know that.

You aren't at all committed to getting anyone at all, per/se.

I know that. Because I know you....certainly you have no real thoughts of destroying others and further when you recognize that your behavior has caused pain, you feel guilty. So, clearly you are no sociopath.

I know that.

so, just wanted to chime in...because you have done your part by apologizing. That's all you can do.

And it took great courage to do what you have done here.

Applauding you for that!

Re: Oh mi God!
by topazz
01/08/2008, 5:21 PM #

Obviously something drastic happened to Lilith as a result of her online actions here and elsewhere, something that brought about what I'm guessing was a serious and inevitable intervention with severe consequences. Lilith got caught. I won't speculate beyond that, I'm sure its enough that she now has to deal with the consequences of her actions.

But Lilith's denial here naturally begs the question: What about you, Nighty? Obviously you're Lilith's very close friend if this thread is any indication. You had to know what she was doing while she was doing it, What kind of friend supports and encourages such destructive, vicious behavior?

Lilith flat out denies culpability on roughly half of what was attributed to her. Ci-inc is thrown up as the easy target, the obvious culprit. Maybe he was responsible for some, but certainly not all. This was about bitter jealous women going after other posters - mostly other women - in attempts to cut them down to size, and doing it for sheer sport, under cover of anonymous nics, sometimes even using the targeted poster's own real name. Factor that in with you having your Nightengale nic taken away. A person doesn't have to be Einstein to add it all up.

Do whatever you want, reply or don't reply - this is my last post on this thread and definitely my last to you. I want nothing more to do with you, ever. But when someone keeps spouting about "self-reflection"...well, how about some?

I'm going to need some back-up here.
by Karmic Hazmat Unit
01/09/2008, 7:45 AM #

We got a real Chernobyl situation. It’s going to be OK. I think we can help you. This is a good first step if it’s sincere.

Unfortunately, I have a feeling the conversation probably went something like this:

God, it’s me, Lil. Something bad has happened. I’ve apologized to everyone I’ve ever hurt so can you make this bad thing go away and make sure it’s sunny for me from now until forever?

I wish I could trust you.

No, really. I went to the fray and made a blanket, sweeping apology to everyone and that’s the only place I’ve ever been a horrible cow. I’m not really like that offline.

Quit deceiving yourself. Even if that were true, that only makes you a horrible cow with self-discipline and the intelligence to know that such behavior offline would cost you and harm you.

But God, I’m showing remorse.

I’m certain the remorse is sincere for this moment but will disappear as soon as you feel trouble has passed. You’ve completely failed to admit to yourself that this is a real part of your nature. True redemption can’t occur until you have. You’ve deliberately seized upon personal information and twisted it and used it to inflict the greatest pain you could. Inside you’re black and twisted.

Black!? OMG, God, you’re a racist!

You’re doing it again. Twisting things into something else to make yourself feel better.

Sorry, God. What can I say? Old habits die hard. Bad Lilly, bad, bad Lilly!

That’s a little blithe for what you’ve done, isn’t it?

But, God, I was jealous! She was so unworthy!

Life isn’t a competition. If one person finds happiness, it doesn’t deny you the ability to find happiness of your own. You’ve been your own best obstacle to that.

This is going to be one tough case.

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