07 February 2006

hey page-pushing, fuckheaded retards

Subject: hey page-pushing, fuckheaded retards (40)
From: switters
Date: Feb 7 2006 5:24PM

Sorry for this unprovoked rant and flamefest 2006, but goddammit, you're talking to/about a fella that cut his teeth with fraycentricity back in the day (8 months ago, idiotic old-schoolers). Which means, really, that every once in awhile its good to go with your best pitch, dance with the girl that brung you – in this case, little Mary Rottencrotch whom you used to finger bang in the back of the family Ford.*

So as much as I hate to interrupt this week's episode of The Special Olympics, I just have a few, a very few nuggets of constructive criticism, 1 or 2 jewels of sugar-coated observations, and a couple of cocaine lines of objective speculation and speculative objections.

Ready? Okay!


No, I don't know if you're Denny. At this point it doesn't matter. Just being compared to or called Denny is bad enough. A suggestion: take a not-so-quick look at your MBTU, its breadth, its subject headings, its various and sundry mongoloidisms. That's a lot of posting, dude. A lot. I can recall not too long ago some of the upper-echelon posters (Geoff, chango [not too kindly, though], Gregor, Seasquirt, et al) kindly chiding me for being a bit of a "Chatty Cathy". So, hint: you're not a Chatty Cathy; you're a bona fide case of uncontrollable irritable bowel syndrome of diarrhetic Hershey squirt posting. Consider LowDungeon's couple of Immodium AD caplets and go for a long walk off a short bridge abutment.


Okay, okay, we get it. You don't hate jews, per se, but you enjoy baiting holier-than-thou northeast liberal types that bristle at even the mention of "jewing some1 down" at the bank. Consider improving the quality of your baiting, consult your MBTU, take a deep breath, and reread your autographed copy of The Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion. Good stuff in there.

I'm still not sure why you hate smart women, though. But it does lead me to believe that you're either: 1.) very dumb; or 2.) very unattractive. For what it's worth, I don't think you're "very dumb". Good luck with that.

Tempo-the-[insert something really stupid here]

Tempo, Tempo, Tempo. Bless your heart, girl. You're many things. And perceptive just doesn't seem to be 1 of them. I've got some bad news: very, very few people give a flying fuck what you think. But they do exist. They are: 1.) people who care what you think because they're technically retarded (my scale); and 2.) people who pretend to care so that you'll (continue to?) respond to their posts. I mean, Jesus titty-fucking Christ**, woman: if you had any scruples at all in here, you wouldn't have any scruples at all in here. Maybe think about taking your OWN advice, okay?

TRY to post something worthwhile and of sincere interest to all when you do a Top Post, okay?

What?! American G.I.'s are dying in Iraq? Really? Wow. Thank the fucking gods you were here to point that out! Eff! I hear Blorple Falls is nice this time of year, and that the "real estate climate" is a real "buyer's market" right now.

Just a suggestion, and maybe a helping hand, "IMHO, of course."


Tempo-the-[technically retarded]

[You're almost right about 1 thing: BotF has come to resemble Ballot Box a little lately. It's just that, ironically, a lot of that is your fault. Oops!]


Just out of curiosity: who are you going to stalk now that locdog may not post here as often as he once did? Oh, never mind: Ender. Carry on.


I hear ya, brah, brah. But going toe-to-toe with Nightengale in a fraycentric related debate strikes me as a little too much like going down on a blow-up doll. I.e., nobody ever really feels gratified in the end (pun intended). It's beneath you, so to speak.


Don't get me wrong, the tips on how to get chicks in the sack are mucho mucho appreciadisianio, mon ami . Good times. But no1 understands better than I do the impossibility of being universally liked around here. Which is to say: I'd be real careful about who I'd let suck your fraydick. But you, being an old-schooler, already knew that. Sure. Fine. Doesn't mean it's not unseemly to have to watch, at least out of the corner of my eye. See, I'm 1 of those people who doesn't like to watch.


Hey, did you ever see that movie Freaks, with the married German midget who falls for the lovely lady who's actually banging the "strong man"? Remember that movie? "One of us, one of us, one of us…"?

Guess which character you are.


Now try not to take this the wrong way, but are you DreamBird? If you're not, please see note above to Requiem. Thx! (;^(o)


Yes, we also get it: far right wing bad, far left wing good, let's give socialism another try, &c., and so forth. But the constant weiner slapping between you and the entire cast of Barney Miller is starting to feel like chewing on tinfoil. So knock it the fuck off. Surf's up.

That's all for now. Should be enough, really. Whatever. It's all good, boo.

OT Ender and Dawn as co-editors, with andkathleen hovering menacingly about, her lovely finger on the flush button, and rundeep with ultimate checkmark authority. Managing editors (in charge of The Column)? bacon/daveto/et al [i.e., the InnerSanctum cats]


[NB: Boy it sure is inappropriate for me to comment on others' posts and behavior, seeing as how my own posts and behavior tend to be… well… not that well behaved. Go figure. Something for me to think about, I guess.]

Coming soon: "switters' Top 10 Cartoons of 2005"

*from Full Metal Jacket, though heavily paraphrased
**replaces "fucktard" as profanity of choice


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