Subject: January 21, 2006
From: Meletus
Date: Jan 21 2006 8:35AM

I remember once fishing until dawn, and on the way in the breaking mist was so breathtaking that I had to stop the motor just to sit and watch. The pink new light of the eastern sky gathered in the pockets of clear air over the water, and the gentle swells rocked the boat in place like a lullaby. I could have fallen asleep right there were it not for the memory of my wife at home waiting for me. She worried sometimes when I was out at night, and I did not want her to wake up worrying. So I watched the dawn only until the sun peeked up over the water, then I resumed the way in.

As was my way, I was home, cleaned up, and ready for bed before she was awake. This time, though, I sat in the chair in the corner of the bedroom just to watch her sleep. As she slept on her side of the bed, I could see that even in her sleep she remembered me just by the position she kept. As I sat in the chair, I greedily absorbed this memory. I wanted to gratify her longing but I had my own solitary one too. Perhaps I was being selfish, but I could not help but take more in that moment than I gave. And I remember her today the better for it.

What surprises me about my own death isn't wanting to live twice because of dying; it's wanting to live twice because of loving, because of the memories it brings, because of the people I've met who will or won't remember me, because of the water on which I've sailed and driven that cannot remember me, but I love it anyway. My wife will miss me as desperately as she loves and remembers me, and I find myself wanting to live again to rectify her pain. Without her, the world crowds around me and I feel like an intruder; I can only imagine how oppressive it will be to her once I am gone.

My best and last hope is that the people she has loved and lost will come to comfort her when she loses me; that those who love her now will console her; that the water that tolerates no memories will still hold some for her because I loved it as I loved her too. We shared that, a love of the water, even though I most often took it in in solitary enjoyment. Perhaps when I'm gone she will see a dawn break over the mouth of the Chesapeake Bay and remember me, why I loved it, and why I loved her most of all.

http://fray.slate.com/?id=3936&m=16691867

I am dying.

Subject: I am dying.
From: Meletus
Date: Jan 7 2006 10:39AM

I first indicated my illness in the post above, but the illness has progressed far enough to know for sure; I don't have much longer to live. Who would have thought that lung cancer would kill a thirty-something-non-smoker before he reached 40. The prognosis was positive at one point, but apparently a few of those cells stuck around. Damn them.

I thought about never posting again or making an announcement; after all, if law school seems small by comparison, shouldn't posting on the Fray? But I decided that I've met some real people here, people who are both interesting and important to me. In no small respect writing and reading here (but especially the writing) has shaped my way of thinking. Perhaps that is evident to the people who have seen the evolution of my posts. Or perhaps not. That is why I am saying it now.

Anyway, to those who have had a deep impact on my thinking—Fritz, Sissyfuss, Geoff, Thrasymachus, Zathras, and Moloch mostly—goodbye and best of luck to you. It's been a good run for me both in the real world and on the Fray. To the rest of you, many of whom I'm quite fond (hi LT), goodbye as well. I won't be posting again, though I might read what people have to say once or twice within the next few weeks. After that I'll be too busy traveling with my wife as we say our goodbyes.

It should go without saying—make the most of every day—but I'm saying it anyway. Thankfully I did, often enough to have passed my regrets already.

Meletus

http://fray.slate.com/?id=3936&m=16573492

Meletus is a contrarian idiot.

Subject: Meletus is a contrarian idiot.
From: Meletus
Date: Feb 1 2005 4:02PM

In his latest op-ed piece in The New York Times, David Brooks defends the success of the Iraqi elections against those who would suggest the elections are only the beginning of a viable democracy in Iraq. He writes:

"In Washington, senators make facile arguments about improving the training of Iraqi troops, trying to reduce problems of motivation to problems of technique."

"Brent Scowcroft warned of incipient civil war, denigrating the Iraqis' ability to manage their own tensions."

If these aren't the two stupidest defenses of the Iraq elections in print, I haven't been able to find two more stupid, including the comments made by the neo-conservative cheerleaders on this board. Turning the Iraqi election into an eschatological journey from the evil of tyranny into the light of democratic hope is bad enough; denigrating the substantive policies needed to keep Iraq from slipping into chaos is, well—pretty darn stupid. Someone should point out to Brooks that the naive optimism in his latest op-ed piece may be uplifting to the Republican [sic] party line, but it fails to offer the Iraqi people anything but false hope.

Fortunately those left "to manage their own tensions" would agree: real policy decisions are better than false hopes, however motivating those hopes may be.

"It's only complete nonsense to ask the troops to leave in this chaos and this vacuum of power," said Ghazi Yawar, Iraq's Interim President, who also suggested that by "the end of this year, we could see the number of foreign troops decreasing."

Clarifying, Interim Defense Minister Hazim Shalan said:

"We don't want to have foreign troops in our country, but at the same time we believe that these forces should stay for some time until we are able to control the borders and establish a new modern army and we have efficient intelligence." Shalan added that this army was necessary before "we'll ask them to leave."

Clearly these two Iraqi leaders trying "to manage their own tensions" would not agree with Brooks; they would agree with Scowcroft and those senators making "facile" suggestions about real policy, that is, policy suggestions rooted in pragmatism, not more American political poetry about overcoming evil. Is it really so difficult to believe that without technique—an army for security, an intelligence agency for intelligence—all the motivation in the world is for naught, even in a world of good versus evil?

Reading columnists like Brooks and optimists [sic] like 1-2-Oscar, both of whom pay lip service to the hard road ahead in Iraq, one would think that real technique is already obselete. But amidst all the trumpeting and cheerleading over the success of the Iraqi election, this contrarian idiot is reassured that in Iraq, cooler heads are prevailing.

After that courageous turnout, the Iraqi people deserve nothing less.